Sunday, 17 May 2009

A meme? Is that all about me me me me me?

I appear to have been tagged by Eurolush, and now I have to answer questions. Being a generally uninteresting person, the answers will be as dull as ditchwater and this will serve Eurolush right!

What are your current obsessions?
Sleep. I am obsessed by the fact that I hardly ever get any. Normal obsessions require energy and effort, and I don't get enough sleep to put any effort or energy into anything. Oh to be obsessed by something! It would mean I was fully awake for once!

What's for dinner?
I don't care so long as it's quick and someone else is cooking it. Preferably MrCat. I wouldn't want to risk cuisine a la Small Cat. Small Cat would give me a very badly constructed jam sandwich and a packet of monster munch. Every day. Forever.

What's your greatest fear at the moment?
Is my permanent state of bewilderment down to the fact that I don't get enough sleep (see question 1), or is it because I'm losing my marbles early?

What are you listening to?
I haven't bought a CD for ages. I download stuff (LEGALLY, Thank you!) per track. On the way in to work on Friday I listened to Tricky, Tim Deluxe, Rufus Wainwright, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Judie Tzuke, June Tabor and Lemon Jelly. On the way home I listened to Schubert. Categorise that if you must. Small Cat forces me to listen to the Sugababes and Scissor Sisters over and over and over and over again but you know this. I posted about this a few weeks ago. Didn't I? Sorry, what was the question (looks around for marbles).

If you were a goddess what would you be?
I would be the Goddess Somnambula-Mascara. I would bestow sleep on the downtrodden and accursed. And nice cups of tea. And I would have the ability to apply make up so it looks "sexy and alluring", as opposed to "that woman who looks like a cross between Robert Smith and a clown".

What are your favourite holiday spots?
What is a holiday?

What are you reading right now?
Oh my, it's dreadful. It's some godawful nonsense about the Princes in the Tower and it's making me want to gouge my own eyes out with a plastic spoon. I won't tell you what it is because you should be spared.

What is your guilty pleasure?
Pleasure shouldn't induce guilt, surely? Unless you enjoy putting eyeballs in peoples sandwiches, or something equally awful. Which I don't, I hasten to point out.

Who or what makes you laugh?
Small Cat. Every single day. He is hysterical.

What is your favourite spring thing to do?
Skipping through the fields singing "la de la de da, I aint gonna wear socks no more".

Where are you planning to travel next?
To work, and then back again. Until I die.

What is the best thing you ate or drank lately?
Er, whatever it is that Mr Cat cooked last, OBVIOUSLY (desperately tries to remember. fails. picks up marbles and shoves them back into ears). No, I recall now – he did a rather splendid new potato salad this evening with mozarella, spinach, wholegrain mustard and roasted red peppers and (get this), he ROASTED THE PEPPERS HIMSELF. Me? I would have put them in a) raw or b) got them out of a jar, pre-roasted by the slave from the red pepper dungeon.

When was the last time you were tipsy?
The more accurate question would be "when was the last time you were NOT tipsy?". Ha! That's taken you by surprise!

What is your favourite ever film?
The Lion in Winter. This will not please Coffee Lady as no one gets shot or blown up, and Bruce Willis is (fortunately) nowhere to be seen. I say fortunately because he has a face I could never tire of slapping and were I taken to see any film in which he appeared I'd have to be dragged from the local Odeon having been repeatedly pelted with popcorn by an angry horde for causing a general fracas. No, none of that. Lion in Winter is the best film ever, beautifully acted and shot, fantastic dialog, great music, stunning scenery. Katharine Hepburn and Peter O’Toole – come ON people! Clearly I am a cut above. Oh yes.

What is the biggest lesson you've learned from your children?
Preserving ones dignity is not always possible. In some situations, it's best to just put the banana outfit on and quit complaining about the effect it is going to have on your hair.

What song can't you get out of your head?
There's nothing in my head at the moment. It's too full of stuffing and old bits of wool.

What book do you know you should read but refuse to?
Anything on my Literary Theory reading list. I didn’t read it 20+ years ago when I was actually supposed to, so I’m damned if I’m going to read it now.

What is your physical abnormality/abnormal physical ability?
The little fingers on both my hands are completely bent. This terrible affliction stopped me from stretching to more than an octave on the piano. I could have been a world class pianist, travelling far and wide, to public acclaim and large bouquets, breaking the hearts of handsome violinists the world over. As it is, I've had to make do with a tin whistle and a pair of bongos.

What is your favourite candy?
I love a ripple with a nice glass of cava.

What is your favourite body part?
Please. This is a family site.

I now have to tag someone else. So I’ll tag my lovely friend Kevin over on HotRunes because he never updates his website so this might focus his mind. And I shall also tag Roman Sock as she spends far too much time slaving over a hot crochet hook and this might give her a break.


This week I have been off work a fair bit due to feeling like poo, and also reading a very bad book which is making me want to remove my own eyeballs (see above post).

Monday, 11 May 2009

Please Close the Gate

Apologies for the lack of blogging. I have had a variety of distractions and irritations keeping me otherwise occupied.

So, MrCat and I went for a walk last weekend. It was around the environs of Blenheim Palace, ending up with a splendid view over the Capability Brown landscaped gardens and lake. With lovely vistas. And cute wee newborn lambs. And electrified fences which were so low you could just walk over them and barely break your stride (not that we did this, I hasten to point out). And gates with no purpose. Gates which just sat there looking slightly embarassed. Embarassed gates, and shamefaced stiles.

Let me give you an example.

b1move along, nothing to see…

Is this some kind of joke?

The park keeper is behind that tree and he is going to laugh at you, yes YOU, if you climb over this thing. Do not fall prey to this outrageous piece of trickery. WALK AROUND THE STILE, people. AROUND. That’ll show ‘em.

And what in the name of holy haddock is going on here…

b2 I’m not embarassed. Not even a little bit.

Please close the gate? WHY?!!! Is there something I should know? Is there an invisible forcefield on either side of the wooden frame which will twang me backwards across the path and into the other field, where I and all other transgressors will be savaged by nursing ewes?

Best not risk it, then. I’ll go through the gate and close it behind me.

Blenheim Palace looked rather lovely. We didn’t have time to go in, but it looked splendid from the other side of the lake. All I know about Marlborough is that he fought at Blenheim, Oudenarde and Malplaquet but I neither know nor care what he was doing there. Or what particular year it was.

I know very little about the 18th Century. My interest in history stops dead at midnight, 31st December, 1699. However, having pondered it for a while, I managed to come up with ten things I do know about one of the least interesting periods of history on the syllabus. Oh, quit moaning at the back, you bewigged fop. You know it's true. Everyone wanted to do the Wars of the Roses and Henry VIII at school, and who can blame them.

Mind you, one or two of these items do redeem the period a tiny bit.

  1. The Aristocracy wore wigs with powder and looked ridiculous
  2. Mozart. For this, the century gets mega brownie points.
  3. The French cut Louis XVI’s head off.
  4. People drank a lot of gin
  5. Culloden. For this the century gets a MASSIVE deduction in points and a severe telling off.
  6. The South Sea Bubble. Don’t ask me, I have no idea.
  7. Nasty, nasty George I locking his wife up in a dungeon in Celle. Points deduction and two missed turns. Oh, and a slap.
  8. William Blake, Thomas Paine and Mary Wollstonecraft born.
  9. Nelson at Cape St Vincent and the Nile
  10. Poldark set in 18th Century. Casting of Robin Ellis in leading role – 1000 points.

I think that just about covers it.

This week I have been mainly feeling poorly and reading “view from the foothills” by Chris Mullin.