Sunday, 25 October 2009

My OId Man’s a Dustman

Only he wasn’t.  My father, that is.  He didn’t wear gor blimey trousers or a dustman’s hat although occasionally, it has to be said, he looked a proper narnar.  For which I can only blame the brylcreem.


Anyway, this evening SmallCat did an impersonation of me.  It wasn’t so much what he said, it was HOW he said it that alarmed me.  It sounded like Michael Caine, (don’t get me started on him, just DON’T).  In other words – Cockney.  Like I was born within the sound of Bow Bells.  Like I’m some kind of Pearly Queen, for heaven’s sake.

Let me get a few things straight here.

1.  I was neither born within the sound of Bow Bells and nor have I even HEARD them.

2.  Yes, I was born and brought up in London but everyone in my house had Irish accents and not once were the words “blimey”, “leave it out, mate”, “you’re avin’ a larf” or “geezer” heard over Sunday lunch.  Which, incidentally, was dinner.  Not lunch.  We never had lunch.  Lunch was only introduced into my vocabulary when I went to college and I still feel uncomfortable using it. In reality, there is no such thing as lunch.

3.  I detest Michael Caine

4.  I do not watch Eastenders. 

Having established the ground rules, I think we can move on now.  Me old china.


This week I have been mostly still not employable


JuliaB said...

At your next interview, you could try wearing a pearly queen outfit and wow them with your cockney ryming slang?? Would that work? xx

Lynn said...

I had a brush with greatness (so to speak) with Michael Caine once. Spotted him ducking out a side door at Harrod's. On an earlier visit, my sister and I saw the Wham! guys on a double date at some restaurant in Chelsea. That was 1985, but even then we thought it unlikely that G. Michael would be romancing a young lady. Still, we were excited; we stood on that street corner fumbling with a map, pretending we weren't gaping at them through the glass. They were totally onto us, sad to say...

I'm trying to work out whether it's significant that we Missouri hicks occasionally call people geezers too. Can we still be friends?

Lynn said...

P.S. My grandfather used Brylcreem.

P.P.S. Sorry to hog your comment box.