Tuesday, 2 June 2009

Everything’s Coming Up Henbane

Over two weeks since the last entry. Admittedly, I rarely have anything interesting to say, but a fortnight of being quite grumpy has passed so why not spread the joy, I say.

Reasons to be grumpy.

1. I have had a sore throat for 6 weeks. It is not much in the scheme of things. I’ve had worse. But it’s relentless, pretends to go, and then comes back the next day just to wind me up.

2. When I caved in and went to the doctor about it, he told me that in the old days, people had to cope without antibiotics “and just got on with things. Or died”. Yes, he really said that.

“Well in that case, let’s just send children back up chimneys, down mines, reintroduce workhouses and stop women voting!”. I didn’t actually say that, but I thought it nonetheless and I bet he was secretly scared of me.

3. Having spent forever setting up a game of Mousetrap with SmallCat, one of the family pets (a real cat), decided to join in, leaped onto the table and ruined the board layout. Have you any idea how long it takes to connect the toilet to the sink, the car to the box and the net to the pole? No? It’s like Dante’s seventh circle of hell, I tell you.

b2 “I’d like the orange mouse, please”.

4. My Stinking Billys died. And before you ask, I refuse to call them Sweet Williams because of what happened at Culloden, 1745*. Yes, it was that long ago and no, I’m not even Scottish. But had my mother lived in Edinburgh I MIGHT WELL HAVE BEEN!

5. My local pub has stopped running a quiz on Sunday night. They will pay for this. I’m not sure how, but I’ll think of something.

6. The dawn chorus. As the sun rises earlier, so do the feathered fiends. Every morning about 5,678 assorted birds start singing the ornithological equivalent of Status Quo’s greatest hits. For about THREE HOURS.

7. My dining room has looked like this for the past 9 years.

b1 GAH!

Admittedly MrCat has done a lot to alleviate this over the past two weekends, but how can one just leave these things for NINE WHOLE YEARS?! I’m not a Domestic Goddess, I’m a Domestic Slattern and I shall be writing the companion handbook post haste.

*Sweet Williams are named after William, Duke of Cumberland. In Scotland, however, he’s known as Butcher Cumberland because of his disgraceful behaviour after the Battle of Culloden. To show their annoyance, the Scots were rude to a plant.


This fortnight I have been mainly reading Ariana Franklin novels and shaking my fist at crows.


Lynn said...

1. I believe Domestic Slatterns go beautifully with Bewigged Fops. Congratulations!

2. I hate to say it, but that chronic sore throat wouldn't happen to mean...mononucleosis, would it? Just speaking from experience. I lived to tell the tale, if that helps any.

3. You are way too funny to post only every two weeks, so please get your health in order. We're counting on you.

Anonymous said...

Welcome back - I look forward to your hilarious posts!

eurolush said...

I'm with Lynn and Anonymous...we demand more Limecat.

JuliaB said...

oh dear! A doctor once told me to cover up my fungal infection with nailpolish! Oh yes, and i had a sore throat for 2 weeks, 3 weeks ago, went to the doc, she said come back in a week. Now I have pneumonia!

The Coffee Lady said...

Moaning is fantastic. More moaning, I say. More moaning, and less pretty pictures, that's what the blogosphere needs.

I like your dining room very well as it is. Less stuff to dust.